Disturbingly plausible

What Thoreau says.

Although I don’t concur with the esteemed Ayatollah Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, who theorizes that immodest women cause earthquakes, I do firmly believe that earthquakes can be affected by non-geological forces. Specifically, I am a man of two faiths, praying to Jesus on Sunday but bowing before Murphy all week long. I believe in Murphy’s Law as an ironclad law of the universe. And so, last night, I went to the store and stocked up on canned food and first aid kits and bottled water and flashlights and batteries, in the interests of earthquake preparation. I believe that if we are prepared for the worst, Our Murphy will smirk and mock our preparations and ensure that all of the time and money invested in this is ultimately for nothing. Murphy will make the San Andreas fault into the most stable geological formation on earth. So, I encourage everyone to prepare for the worst, and I encourage the police and the fire department and other organizations involved in disaster relief to be vigilant in their training and preparation. I encourage structural engineers to spare no expense in masking the most stable buildings possible. If we all work together, Murphy will ensure that we are wasting our time. If we don’t prepare, Murphy will smite us.