Corrections to the blogosphere, the consensus, and the world

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Case of the Red-Headed Dwarfs, part 18

Next day Mr. Justice Cocklecarrot endeavoured once more to deliver his summing up in this remarkable case. 'What the jury has to decide,' he said, 'is whether Mrs. Tasker deliberately drove those dwarfs into Mrs. Renton's house, or rather into the hall of her house; whether the maid Celestine-
Mrs. Renton: Angelica.
Cocklecarrot: What?
Mrs. Renton: Angelica.
Cocklecarrot: What do you mean, Angelica? Why do you keep on saying Angelica?
Mrs. Renton: It is my maid's name.
Mr. Hermitage: It is her maid's name, m'lud.
Cocklecarrot (angrily, but with a show of patience): All right, then, Angelica. Now-
Mr. Snapdriver: Perhaps there is another maid, called Celestine, m'lud.
Mrs. Renton: No. The other is Minnie. (Roars of laughter.)
Cocklecarrot: There may be forty maids. I am speaking of Angelica. Now what the jury has to decide is whether this maid- er- Min –er-Angel - er- Cel- Whether this maid Celestine-
Mrs. Renton: Angelica.
Cocklecarrot (dropping his head in his hands and speaking wearily): Mrs. Renton, will you please allow me to say what I have to say? The name of the maid is immaterial.
Mr. Snapdriver: But, m'lud, Celestine was on holiday at Bournemouth at the time.
Mr. Hermitage: My learned friend means Eastbourne, m'lud.
Mr. Snapdriver: My learned friend is right. Eastbourne.
Cocklecarrot (satirically): Well, now that this very important matter has been settled, perhaps we can continue, unless someone would like to tell me that Minnie was at Blackpool.
A Dwarf: If it comes to that, I myself have been to Blackpool. (Howls of laughter.)
Cocklecarrot (regarding the dwarf with rage): That is most interesting and most relevant.
(The court rises for lunch)

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