Corrections to the blogosphere, the consensus, and the world

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Case of the Red-Headed Dwarfs, part 15

Meanwhile a brawl was taking place outside the court. A lady bearing a banner which said, 'Litigate, Don't Arbitrate,' was accidentally pushed off the pavement by the dwarfs, who had come in a large motor-car.
When Mrs. Tasker arrived, she held a newspaper in front of her face, thus enabling the unwary Press photographers to advertise the Hunstanton Daily Courier.
The dwarfs were cross-examined to-day. At least, one of them was cross-examined.
Mr. Hermitage: Your name is Howard Brassington ?
The Dwarf (in a deep, loud voice): It is no such thing.
Mr. Hermitage (consulting his notes): What is your name, then?
The Dwarf: Stanislas George Romney Barlow Barlow Orchmeynders.
Mr. Hermitage: Two Barlows?
The Dwarf: Why not?
Mr. Hermitage: You are a night watchman.
The Dwarf: Why not?
Cocklecarrot: Mr. Porchminder, you will please answer yes or no.
The Dwarf: No.
Mr. Hermitage: Where were you on the night of 10th April ?
The Dwarf: No.
Cocklecarrot (to counsel): Apart from retaining fees, would it not be better to speed up this case a bit?
The Dwarf: Yes.
Cocklecarrot: Send him away. Call Mrs. Renton.
Mr. Hermitage: Speak your mind, Mrs. Renton, speak your mind.
Mrs. Renton: I will. I accused Mrs. Tasker of driving a dozen redheaded dwarfs into my hall. She admits she did it. The dwarfs say she did it. Well, what more is there to be said? What are we waiting for?
Cocklecarrot: Mrs. Renton, you do not understand that certain formalities – er - the Law has its own way of doing things.
Mrs. Renton: And that is why I have to come here day after day to listen to all this irrelevant foolery -- speeches about the Navy, arguments about a dwarf's mother, fuss about dates, and so on.
Cocklecarrot: I am the first to admit that there have been irregularities and delays in this case, but-- (A dwarf shouts loudly, 'M'lud! M'lud!' Cocklecarrot and Mrs. Renton exchange glances.)
Mr. Hermitage: Well?
The Dwarf: I think I'm going to be sick.
Mrs. Renton: That is about the only thing that hasn't happened in this case so far.
Cocklecarrot: Usher! Remove that dwarf.

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