Lend me your ears

From Miss Cellania:

The Navy found they had too many officers and non coms and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."

My, my. Now, I'm not saying that this is an old joke, but consulting the Apothegms of Lord Bacon (him who wasn't Shaxper) one does find

A witty rogue coming into a lace-shop, said he had occasion for some lace ; choice whereof being shewed him, he at last pitched on one pattern, and asked them how much they would have for as much as would reach from ear to ear, for so much he had occasion of. They told him, for so much: so some few words passing between them, he at last agreed, and told his money down for it, and began to measure on his own head, thus saying: "One ear is here, and the other is nailed to the pillory in Bristol, and I fear you will not have so much of this lace by you at present as would perfect my bargain; therefore this bolt of lace shall suffice at present in part of payment, and provide the rest with all expedition.

I think I've actually seem an earlier example, but that will do for the nonce.

The changes are interesting; the militarisation of America, even dirty jokes being required to carry patriotic baggage?