The Case of the Red-Headed Dwarfs, part 21

The following letter speaks for itself:-
Dear Sir,
As you are aware, I recently played a small but not unsensational part in the Dwarf Case. I flatter myself that I conducted myself more as an ardent supporter of a strong Navy than as a witness for or against anything in particular. I now learn that the case is to be tried again, owing to some technical flapdoodle or other. May I take this opportunity of stating as publicly as possible that, if I am called again, I shall to the best of my ability once more defend the Navy? What these dwarfs did or did not do is no affair of mine. To-day we are concerned with more important matters. For there can be no safeguard for the peace of Europe until our British-built warships lie keel to keel across every knot of the seven seas, and until every port of the habitable globe harbours a British submarine.
Yours faithfully,
Ewart Hodgson (Rear-Adml.)

Autres temps

I realise that I have no idea what small boys play these days. Cops and robbers? Cowboys and indians? Or (as I certainly never see any children running around and falling over or arguing about whether they got you or not, and I don't hear pchow pchow noises) whether they play at all, except on xboxes. As a card-carrying baby boomer we grew up surrounded by other children in every house in every street, enough to form gangs and countergangs at a moment's notice, with no parental oversight, and the rough theatre of continuous invention and running negotiation - "I want to be the heroic dog that dies saving somebody" - was omnipresent.
I can remember playing Warner Brothers cartoons - "and then I run over the edge of the cliff, bzazz bzazz, and woowah, I run back and then pchunck, an anvil falls on you -" but that might have been deviant.
I must ask my nephews when I next see them.

Invulerability comparatively cheap

There's now a store over the other side of Spencer St, next to the pizza place, that sells Titanium e-water to "increase blood flow and realign the body's bioelectric currents". If you use it (externally) before playing sport, "it can prevent you from getting hurt".
I may finally decide to take up kickboxing.

Couldn't resist

Can I commission one of her as Silk Spectre?

Which I would have thought was the definition of 'grey', but there you are.

What colour is puke?

Between black and grey, evidently.

The Case of the Red-Headed Dwarfs, part 20

Sunlight streaming through a water-bottle and glass on the judge's desk set a light to papers.
(News item)
Mr. Justice Cocklecarrot, informed of this accident, saw an excellent way to deal with the case. He cunningly set alight to all the papers relevant to the case - if anything can be called relevant to such a case - by manipulating the water-bottle and the glass. He then fed the flames with his wig and various bits of wood which he kept in his pocket. Within an hour the court was burnt down.